Family/Holiday Meals

Do family get-togethers trigger dread or fear about food and body image? Remember when you were a kid and you were simply excited to see your family, play and eat all the yummy food? How many family gatherings have you attended as an adult that landed you right in the middle of discussions about diet, weight loss/gain and explanations about what is being eaten? How many times have you explained your second plate or dessert to others, as if you were committing some cardinal sin? I didn't eat anything before I came so I am starving. Diet starts Monday! I know I shouldn't be eating this but...or I'm being so bad today! And if you are one of those who is currently on a diet or restricted food plan, you are given the title of the "good one" or the "disciplined one." Everyone compares themselves to you, whether you are trying to be better than them or not.

As someone who has been on both sides of the good and bad equation, they are both a lose/lose situation. Why does what you eat equate to your value as a human being? When I was thin and not eating sugar, flour and wheat, I was seen as the good and disciplined one. This was a title I never asked for. But being given that title, means now that I have gained weight and am living in a larger body (in order to HEAL my relationship with food and body), I have crossed over to the other side. Has anyone told me this? Of course not. The comments are reserved for the "good people". You know the ones that have lost weight. They get all the comments and attention on how good they have been. Their value and worth goes up. And the silence tells the weight gainers, their value has gone down.

Unfortunately, this is the stuff that fuels and creates eating disorders. When I stepped into recovery for my eating disorder over 25 years ago, my intention was to be thin and stop binging. I found a solution and a way to control my eating. Hallelujah, right??? I had no idea that I would ultimately do over 20 years of emotional damage to myself and my body. I still remember eating a banana for the first time after over 17 or 18 years of not having them on my food plan. I thought I would implode. The emotional turmoil was indescribable. I had been trained to believe that going the slightest bit off my food plan would lead me to a binge and knew I had been "bad." Yet some small part of me told me it was just a banana.

I had no idea I had developed a new eating disorder, which is now recognized as Orthorexia. The origin of this word simply translates to "correct appetite." The disorder usually starts with someone trying to eat better and be healthy then becomes an obsession and fixation on following rigid rules and guidelines around food. It can be very isolating and can lead to health issues including malnourishment. It can also lead to personal distress and a strong identity with being thin and healthy. This is exactly what happened with me while others thought I was being "good and disciplined".

Fast forward a few years to my journey with authentic healing, and my true therapeutic process with food and body began. After years of restricting, I am in a larger body. Full disclosure. I am still adjusting to that. However, I see things through a very different lens. I will share some of my thoughts with you and hope you will keep them in mind if you plan to attend any family meals.

It is OKAY for you to enjoy the food...all of it!!! You don't have to explain what or why you are eating. Just eat. Your body = Your business. In other cultures, there is joy around the sharing of food. People enjoy food without feeling bad about themselves. So, enjoy the food without shame. They do not have to go together. Enjoy the company and conversations while you eat. Refrain from discussing diets and weight loss while you and others are trying to enjoy food.

And the last thing... DO NOT COMMENT ON OTHER PEOPLE'S BODIES!!! Yes, even if someone has lost weight. Why? Because commenting on their weight loss means they are good and silence when they gain it back (and most people eventually do because they have restricted beyond their body's limits), means they are bad. Focusing on the company and enjoying the food is the real reason you are there isn't it? So enjoy the time spent with family and don't apologize for enjoying yummy food. That is why everyone made it in the first place!